BERNADETTE's JOURNEY- Part 1

By now, many of you have heard of Bernadette, our 4 yo Togolese girl came into HBB 5 weeks ago with vomiting and fever and headache.  While these symptoms are the norm for most of our kids with malaria, her headache pain went beyond normal.  Our suspicions were verified after an emergent MRI in the capitol city revealed a large mass in the back of her brain.  Radiologist in the US were consulted immediately and all agreed that the mass was most likely a pilocytic astrocytoma--a benign tumor.

Unfortunately the location and size of the tumor was pushing again other structures and making it difficult for the fluid in her brain to exit.  This was causing the fluid chambers in her head to get bigger and bigger, resulting in dangerous pressures in her head.

She was started on some medication immediately to try and keep swelling down in her head while we tried to find her a place to go for intervention.  There were many barriers in the way to finding her adequate treatment quickly, since Neurosurgery is for the most part, not available in Togo.

The two options pursued were to find a hospital either in the US or neighboring Ghana willing to take her case.  We committed to following leads fully with both options, until one was clear.  And although it would seem much easier and obvious to send her to Ghana, the Lord kept opening doors for Berna to go to the US.  The hospital I trained at, Kosair Children's Hospital was willing to take the case pro bono, led by the efforts of Neurosurgeon Dr. Ian Mutchnick.  All the other hospital teams that would be needed for her care also volunteered their services.  A charitable organization, Healing the Children (HTC), offered to pay for travel and living expenses. Even obtaining her nationality (something just in Togo), passport, and visa took place in a reasonable amount of time.  It was quite evident the the Lord was sending Berna to Louisville, KY for help.

Plane tickets were booked and plans were made for me to travel with Berna to Addis Ababa on Oct 31st.  We were going to stay for two nights so that a representative from HTC, who was already in Ethiopia, could take her through to the US.  Up until this point, Berna had been able to stay out of the hospital by taking regular meds at home.  Then 2 days before departure, she began having severe pain once again and was admitted to HBB.  It was evident that her health was deteriorating, but she was stable and we were going ahead with the plan since it was her only chance of survival.

We left to spend the night in Lome, the capitol, in preparation to leave the next morning.  Her mom had said a courageous good-bye at the hospital, not knowing if she would see her daughter again.  Berna's pain was harder and harder to control and as she spent the night with me in my room, I passed the hours pleading that the Lord would save her while keeping my hand on her chest waiting to feel the cessation of movement.   I questioned whether or not we should take the flight.  Was I being selfish to take the risk of Berna spending her last moments alive on an airplane instead of in the arms of her loving parents?  What would I do if she died on the plane?  How would she survive the journey to the US without a nurse or doctor with her?

The next morning doubts filled my heart and mind.  But each time I thought about canceling our trip, it seemed like I was saying to the Lord, "I don't trust you."  He had guarded her life up to this point, and orchestrated so many amazing people and avenues for Berna.  I sent some e-mails and let everyone know that I was unsure if Berna would make it alive to the states and plans were made to take her to a hospital in Ethiopia for a smaller operation that could stabilize her so that she could complete her journey to the US. It seemed like I would touch Berna's head and say to her, "Hold on!" while at the same time the Lord would put his hand forth on my head and say, "Hold on!"

I backed her in the African style and we worked our way through the airport.  I got a lot of strange looks as the "Yovo" carrying around a Togolese girl on my back, but my focus was elsewhere.  We took our place at the gate and waited....and waited....and waited.  While time was of the essence, our flight was delayed by over 2 hours.  I sat praying and people-watching, wondering what other people where thinking about.  I'm sure business people would be late for meetings, reuniting families would have to wait, and vacations would be temporarily post-poned.  As everyone was getting more agitated and frustrated all I could think was "Your life will go on.  Late or early, your overall life will go on after this, never to be thought of again.  This girl in my arms is holding on for her life."

We eventually departed for Ethiopia.  I layed Berna down in her seat, head against the window and feet in my lap.  She would never remember this part of her journey nor conceive of the distance we were traveling.  No one would speak her language where we were headed, not even me.  Nor would she recognize the food, the people or even the weather!  She just had to make it there.

Hold on Berna.
Hold on Kelly.

HBB NICU

Meet Samuel and Ezekiel! 











These little ones are our two newest preemies that have been around for the last few weeks.  They were born at 32 and 29 weeks respectively and have been doing great!  Both moms have been very faithful in caring for these little ones as they must stay at the infant’s bedside each day and can’t return home due to breast-feeding.  It can be a very long and tiring process that is often discouraging.  We try and give the moms small ways of showing them that their little ones are moving towards going home.

Often our premature infants, they struggle with something called NEC (Necrotizing Enterocolitis), which is where the gut gets infected.  NEC is somewhat of a mystery in the neonatology world and new recommendations are coming out all the time as to how to prevent it.  One way is to make sure that babies get breast-milk.  Strangely, although all our babies are receiving breast-milk, the occurrence of NEC remains a top reason that our preemie babies don’t make it home.  The Lord has been gracious in keeping our two little ones NEC free so far, so please pray that this continues!

I am also currently in talks with some helpful people in the states regarding TPN. This is where our tiniest babies could receive nutrition through their IV while we slowly advance how much milk they can take each day.  Currently, we just have fluid with sugar and salt which doesn’t provide the proteins and fats that they need to grow well.  Pray that we might find a solution that is both accessible and affordable for the Togolese.

Update photo on Akou (Ruth), our smallest preemie!

Please also be in prayer as to how you might be able to help these families with premature infants.  They often have to stay a month or more in the hospital, which is almost always beyond their financial means.  We work hard on providing great care while limiting the amounts of labs and radiology in order to keep cost down, but caring for these little ones takes a lot of resources!  A benevolence fund exists here at HBB to help families like those of Samuel and Ezekiel pay for the cost of care without depleting the families of all of their resources.  We also accept knitted or crocheted hats for these little ones!

Many of you have also been joining me in prayers regarding a little girl named Bernadette who was discovered to have a brain tumor.   So far the Lord has kept her as well as possible and we wait to see if her best option for care would be either in Ghana or in the United States.   We have some awesome people working very hard to pursue all possibilities to find her the best care in the quickest amount of time.   Please continue to pray, as either option will require a lot of resources, time and energy.  I am currently looking into both options equally and seeking the Lord’s direction in where he would have her go.   A trip to the states would require that she travel without her parents, and stay with a host family that will not speak her language.  I know the Lord already has plans in place that will glorify and lift up the name of Christ.  Pray that we might have peace regarding this truth as with trudge through the seas of seeking medical care.

Thanks to all of you who continue to partner with me in ministry through prayer, encouragement, visits, and your continued Love.

Intercession

      

So this is actually the second attempt at writing this blog post.  The first attempt gave said that I came to Kenya for a conference and that things went well, etc, etc. It was somewhat of a boring list of happenings.  All of it was true of course, but somewhat lifeless.  I am, in fact, here in Kenya at a retreat/conference for all of the Samaritan’s Purse staff that works in and for Africa.  It’s a time to get together and be encouraged and see what the Lord is doing throughout the continent.  I have to confess, though, that during the majority of the conference, my head was involved, but my heart was just…..not.   I met amazing people who were doing great things with the Lord’s help.  We heard amazing talks and messages from God’s Word that filled with Spirit and Truth.  I even got the chance to give a short story/testimony to the work that God is doing in Togo at the hospital, and in me personally.  But still, at the end of the day I felt…….flat, unmoved, and far away.  I couldn’t tell you when I started to feel this way, although I knew it had started before my arrival in Kenya—disenchantment with my work at the hospital, an inability to connect with my patient’s suffering, becoming frustrated easily. 

 On the second to last day of the conference I went to a workshop that took us through a look at the parallels between the Exodus of the Israelites from Egypt in the promise land, with Jesus’ life and ministry in the New Testament.  Although I had read these passages many times, the Lord was speaking to me anew as if to remind me personally, “Kelly, I haven’t done anything by accident, and my plan for my people carries on today.”  I had then realized that I had given up reading of His Word for the purpose alone of meeting with the Lord.  I had been doing “studies” and readings in order to be able to give devotions on my scheduled day at the hospital and reading books about great Theologians of the past.  But reading about Christ and experiencing Him are not the same.  I had been exchanging my time for building a relationship with Him for gaining head knowledge about Him and had not even realized it.  

        

The very last day of the conference the Lord graciously reminded me of the love I have for Him and the perfect love He has for me.   The theme of the conference was “Taste and See that the Lord is Good.”  A pastor gave us a great reminder that the Lord’s goodness is well translated as the Lord’s generosity.   He is waiting for us, as children of God, to ask for the things we’re lacking—love, patience, kindness, compassion, mercy, self-control.  “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?” Luke 11:13

In the evening a pastor from Kenya spoke on the passing on of the baton from Elijah to Elisha in 2 Kings, and the choice we have to pursue the work of the Lord or to sit by at watch others carry on the calling.  It was a message of renewal and reminder for me; that I want to go the distance and finish the race at a finish line that He has drawn. 

I went to dinner that night (tonight actually, as I’m writing this) having a renewal and awakening of Christ in me.   During dinner a fellow Samaritan’s purse worker pulled up a chair and sat beside me.  I had seen him throughout the week but never met him or spoke with him before this point.  In fact, he was teaching one of the break-out sessions that I did not have an opportunity to attend.   He said hello to me, of course, and said that although he didn’t really know me, the Lord had burdened his heart to pray for me all during the conference.  He said, “I don’t think I have the gift of intercession, but the Lord continued to put you on my heart throughout our days here.” 

I was quite overwhelmed; that the Lord would speak to this stranger to intercede on my behalf, before the Lord, during the days that I was not able speak to the Lord myself.  I proceeded to thank the gentleman for his encouragement and prayer.  I told him some struggles I had come across in Togo.  Afterwards he said, “I think this is the real you right now.  At the start of the conference it wasn’t the real you.  It just took a few days for you to get here.”

Wow.  What am amazing God we serve!  That the inner struggle within my own Spirit was revealed to a fellow believer apart from all human communication, so that my heart could once again shine with the love of the Lord.  What mercy and grace He has for us!  This is the Lord whom we serve and the reason we have for continuing the work, HIS work, throughout the world.  

To HIM be all glory, honor, and power forever. Amen.

Akou is Home

August began bitter-sweet when on the 10^th, one day before her 4^th month birthday, we sent Akou home to live with her family.  The day was much anticipated by her mother who had sat attentively at her bedside for 122 days, awaiting the fate of her premature little girl.  She had more than doubled her birth-weight, was taking all of her feeds by bottle and no longer had any reason for an IV.  As I celebrated with her family and the hospital staff, I realized that this little fighter had become a part of our family as well.  Gathering around the scale each day, holding our breath to see how many grams she had gained or lost, became part of our morning ritual.  We were all united in hope and prayer that the Lord would somehow provide care that was beyond our resources…….and He did.

 Akou left the hospital weighing 1320 grams.  Her lowest weight during her hospitalization was 630 grams.  She was never on a ventilator, never received any IV nutrition and left the hospital requiring only 3 medications (2 of which were vitamin supplements).

Although I am sometimes sad to look in the corner of the Pediatrics Ward and see an empty isolette, I am quickly reminded that the emptiness is a sign that she is home and thriving.   While we often have empty beds in the Pediatrics Wards due to death, the Lord, in His mercy and grace, chose to show His power through Akou.

 As I have previously mentioned, infants here don’t get named until the family feels confident that the infant will survive.  Initial names are given that are based on the day of the week the child was born (Akou is for a girl born on a Wednesday).  I had often asked Akou’s mom when she was going to give her a name.  Often she would just smile and shake her head.  So naturally, when I saw her a few days after she was discharged from the hospital, my first question was “What is her name?!”

Ruth.

I’m not sure if she will ever be anything but Akou to me.  But in the Old Testament, Ruth was a symbol of loyalty, kindness, and redemption—what a true testimony to what God has already done for her in her life thus far!  Please continue to pray for Ruth and the future the Lord has in store for her.   Thank you for being a part of her journey and interceding on her behalf in prayer.  Let us praise the Lord together for what He has done so that His glory may be known in many nations today!

Grace and Peace

kelly

Mes Amies

Stories from the medical mission field are often about the people whom we are trying to serve in the home country.  But there are many players involved that help make the work here possible: the national workers, long-term missionaries, support staff, and short- termers.  

I was blessed to live with a short-term missionary, Amanda, for my first few months here in Togo.  She is a Physicians Assistant from Wisconsin who quit her job as a Neurosurgical PA to come out and help the team here for 4 and-a-half months. Despite having a fiancée at home and a wedding to plan, she gave her heart each day to the patients here at HBB, sharing the love and peace of Christ.  Affectionately known as "Mama Amanda" in our house, she proved to be the most responsible person in the house, despite being the youngest! Not only that, but she became such a dear friend and blessing to me during her time here. One can never under-estimate the power of listening ear, an encouraging word, or just someone to laugh or cry with.   She taught me fun lessons, like how to make homemade bread and yogurt (which I’m now addicted to!) as well as more serious lessons like how to listen and take time with patients regardless of how long the day has been.   I will miss her greatly, but know that the Lord has other plans for her life.  I know that she will be spreading the Good News of the Gospel no matter what country she is in, but pray that we will be able to meet again soon this side of heaven.

Having fun being silly with Mama Amanda in the chair!

Our Togo team was also blessed to have 9 students from Master’s College in California come out and volunteer for 6 weeks.  The team took on the daunting challenge of re-organizing our storage house of supplies, which was LONG overdue (they even found a few items that were older than the hospital itself!).  They were also able to follow the medical team in the hospital and tackle many personal projects for various missionaries.   The team was an amazing encouragement, always joyful while they served in less-than-glamorous ways.   Please continue to pray for the team as many of them have expressed interest in future overseas missions.  There is a lot of time and distraction in-between college and getting to the mission field.  Pray that each one may follow the call that the Lord has for them.

Master's Team girls, Amanda on my right, Rhonda on my left (hospital midwife), roommate Susanna next to Amanda

Last, but not least, my dear friend Monika who I lived with in Switzerland, was able to come out and stay with me for 3 weeks in July.  The Lord had blessed me beyond what I could have expected through our friendship during language school.  Her willingness to share her life and home with me made my time in Switzerland a time of fellowship beyond just attending language school.   When she told me she was coming to visit, I was overwhelmed by her continued support in my journey.  She was able to experience a lot of “firsts” while in Togo, especially in the areas of foods! And despite coming for vacation and relaxation, she was a huge help in the area of translation at the hospital and nursing school.   The visit was a true blessing from a friend who had already been such a vital part of my journey in getting to Togo, and it was exciting to get to share the ministry with her.

From Left: Susanna, Amie (my roommates), Monika and Me in Lome, Togo

Please know that so many of you are a huge of the ministry here, even though you are far away.  Many of you sacrifice finances, time, and energy in supporting me here in Togo and it doesn’t go unrecognized.  I never feel alone here because there are so many of you praying for me, sending e-mails and encouragements constantly.  Your involvement makes my ministry here possible, so thank you!!

Grace and Peace
Kel

Our little peanut

The month of June passed without me knowing it!  Life at the hospital and here in Togo has become my “norm” and I have settled into a routine.  I am constantly amazed at the variety of illnesses I see here, and find myself waist high in textbooks trying to find the best way to diagnose and treat without the labs and medications I am used to having.  It is very challenging and refreshing to actually give things over into God’s hands and watch him work as The Great Physician. 

Many of you have already heard about Akou through facebook.  For those who don’t know, Akou is a 26-week-old premature infant who was born at home and brought into the hospital at about 3 hours of life and weighed 1 pound 6 ounces. The first miracle is that she was alive, period.  A 26-week infant born in the US is normally put onto a ventilator immediately, or at least some intense support to help the baby breath.  We don’t have these abilities at HBB, so we put her on a nasal canula, as well as antibiotics and another medicine that helped her remember to breath.  Then we prayed. 

During the first 2 days, she stopped breathing twice and required chest compressions.  After day 3, she showed herself as a true fighter and hasn’t required any major interventions since.  We didn’t have a way to provide adequate nourishment through an IV (called TPN) so we slowly ( SLOWLY) started feeding her.   After many weeks of minimal growing, she started picking up weight.  We were able to find a food scale so that we could weigh her in grams and know exactly how much she was gaining each day.  Many of us gather around the small scale each morning to see how many grams she has gained.  

Today she is 90 days old and weighs about 2 lbs 3 ounce.  We are praising the Lord for each and every gram.  We celebrated her “1000 gram” weight achievement with chocolate chip cookies (poor Akou only got more breast milk) J. Her faithful mother has stayed with her the whole time, despite having two other children to take care of.  Her dad is able to visit every few weeks and is always so joyful to be able to hold her.   She is the smallest infant we have ever had survive for this long at HBB.   Please pray that the Lord would graciously continue to guard her life and protect her small body from infection and feeding difficulties.   Please also pray for her family, especially her mom, who has patiently stayed by her bedside all this time.  And of course, pray that her survival may be a testimony, to all who see her, of how the Lord has knit us together for His purposes, He cares for us, and He desires us to grow in Him.

sweet Akou with a little smile for you

Thanks to each one of you who have joined me on this journey in so many ways.  Your support, prayers and encouragement reach further than you realize.  

Grace and Peace.

Kel

HOPE

HOPE

Romans 5:2-5

Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.  More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

April came to a somber close with the loss of about 12 children.  As my heart was heavy from the losses, I spent a lot of time with the Lord in prayer struggling with how to rest in His ultimate plan. While knowing in my head that He works all things together so that His NAME goes forth to receive GLORY, my earthly eyes were struggling to see beyond my own tears.   The Lord could have responded to my prayers the way He did to Job during his suffering: “Will you even put me in the wrong? Will you condemn me that you may be in the right? Have you an arm like God, and can you thunder with a voice like his?”

Instead, the Lord was patient with me, opening my eyes to his POWER being displayed all around me:

Frederic came in to HBB without much hope of survival.  He had been hit in the head with a soccer ball a few weeks prior and was now having neurological deficits, felt to be related to a subdural abscess (infectious pus sitting under his skull).  A procedure was done to relieve pressure in his head but he remained comatose.   To make matters worse, the team felt like he had developed another abscess in his head that had to be drained, and a second trip to the OR was undertaken.  After 2 weeks without any movements and no medicines in place that were keeping him asleep, my expectations were low.  I was still dealing with the losses of several children in the hospital and I was counting down the days until we would be mourning his loss as well.  

But then, the Lord poured down his mercy and Frederic began to move his arms.  Slowly but surely, each day he became more and more awake until one day, he reached out to shake our hands and smiled.   A few weeks later, he walked out of HBB without any assistance.

For about 7 days this little girl remained in our Pediatric ward suffering from severe meningitis, seizures, and malaria.  Each day I spoke with her sweet mother explaining her daughter’s serious condition and possibility of death.  We spoke about God’s goodness and power, as well as His provision for us during trials.  We prayed for healing while also praying to be able to accept the possibility of Lord’s choice to withhold his healing power.  I explained to her that we were giving all that was medically possible, but that her daughter was gravely ill.   If her daughter was going to leave the hospital, the Lord would have to intervene beyond earthly medical wisdom.  I felt myself trying to “protect” the Name of Jesus, not wanting her to think Jesus was not powerful when her infant died. 

Three days after that conversation, the little girl opened her eyes and looked into mine as to announce, “I am here!” and her mom carried her home on her back 2 days later.

The Lord reminded me that day that he doesn’t need me.  His hand is far reaching and His ways are always higher than my ways.  He spares the lives of some despite our lack of resources or knowledge, and others are taken away despite “perfect” medical care.  He doesn’t NEED me….but He has INVITED me here to JOIN HIM in His work.  HOW AMAZING!  How freeing.  

And this work, is spreading the Good News of Jesus Christ for which there is no greater HOPE:

“For God so Loved the World that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.  Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God.  And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil.  For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.” John 3:16-21

Last week a healthy baby girl was born and the new dad could not be prouder.  He explained to me that she was going to grow up and get a “good education in the United States.”  I smiled and said that she better come back to Togo afterwards and help her country.  The next day the little girl was going home.  I used to ask for what the baby’s name was, but naming of children in Togo doesn’t happen until much later (weeks or even a month later after they are more sure the infant will survive) so I stopped asking.  In the mean time they are given names that are based on the day of the week they were born.  But when this dad saw me he stopped me and said, “We want you to give her a name.”  I was taken back by the timing of the name being given, and by the honor they were bestowing upon me to give it to her.  I thought about the last month at the hospital and all the joy this dad had for his daughter.  I marveled at the way he was not waiting to name her, but instead planning her future. 

I looked down her perfect face and said, “Her name will be Hope.”